For the past month I’ve been trying to read as much as I could about the Camino. I had to pause today and take a breather, and realize that sometimes things happen at a time in our lives that may not seem ideal.
My belief is that nothing is presented to us without a reason. We can’t always decide when a change is right. There are times when the change will happen despite your best effort to slow down its pace. I also believe that things happen for a reason, and often a reason or reasons we cannot see until time has passed and the proverbial “dust” has settled down.
I’ve never really been one to shy away from change. To be honest, my 20 year career has been a constant change. The stability was at home, with Steve and the girls. Change is what motivates me, change is what drives me, change is what excites me, and once in a while, change tires me.
Ever since I came back from Argentina, something in me has been stirring. I haven’t quite figured out what it is, but there were signs of emerging budding notions running through my mind like the northern lights dance in the sky; brilliant notions of bright energized colors, notions of movement, of art, of sceneries; notions of textures, of sounds and of soft foreign words. Walking through San Telmo on sunny Sundays, watching and observing the hubbub of street vendors, dancers and performers made my heart sing. I sought the company of artists and asked them dozen of questions about their art, their influences, their ideas and their passions.
The sound of Tango music playing everywhere married with dancers sensually dancing and swaying to the music seemed to mesmerize me for hours. It was almost as if I had been living in a black and white and dark tonal world have was now being exposed to the brightest of yellows, the fiery reds, the crisp blues and the soothing greens. Every turn my camera tried to capture those colors yet even when I look back at my best photographs, they didn’t capture the magic that had emerged.
I felt at home listening and speaking Spanish. The tones, the rolling rrrrs that I still haven’t mastered, the double ll, the soft b that sounds like a v… the sing song of the sentences, the ballade of consonants and the excitement so often heard in a latin base language.
As I review what has captured my heart I believe the marriage of all those experiences lead me to the Camino. A place where the mind can run free as one walks a day’s length basking in the beauty of an old country. A place where total strangers become friends simply by sharing a common goal, a pilgrim dinner and a close bunk bed. A place where locals thrive on playing even a small part in the pilgrims’ days. A place where aloness, not loneliness, gives way to hundreds of hours of reflection, of review, of remembrance, of prayers.
I mentioned in my last blog that this journey to the Camino isn’t a plan, it’s a truth. I can’t explain how strongly I know without a single doubt, that this has to happen. It needs to happen. It will happen. Are the potential changes that seem to be lurking in the near distance a part of this experience? Did my Argentinean stay begin this slow process of this change, alike the few bubbles of water dancing in a pan heating on the stove, at the cusp of slow movements that eventually give to a rushing gushing boil??
Are the upcoming changes a way for my mind to prepare for a much different life? A break out of a fairly rigid world that will give way to a multitude of opportunities full of colors, sounds and lots of unknown? Is the Canimo walk a metaphor for a Dorothy in Oz experience or more like the climbing of a famous mountain?
All I know is that my mind is restless, my soul is loudly challenging the day to day, and my dreams are vivid and animated… I guess I just have to wait to see what comes next. All I can say is that even though I feel some small trepidations, I am pretty sure I am ready for what may come. The timing may not be my choice, but my reactions are all mine. I make the choice to accept the changes as a positive – – – and in a short time I know I will embracing the changes…
Until then, I will let my mind feast on beautiful pictures of the Camino and listen to Spanish songs that remind me of my summers in Spain.