The Calling has now become loud and clear…

Happy New Year in early February. Can you believe I have not blogged since late December. Too much was going on and it became a bit of a struggle to post anything coherent and relevant to the moment… And I just wasn’t really to share much of the challenging day to day, but in the past few weeks decisions have been taken, some plans have been actioned, and overall I see things in an even more positive light.

In moments of emotional challenges, be in the quest to be the best parent we know how to be, or in the quest to overcome wanting to jump into things and take control and “fix things”, in the conflicts of ideologies and the differences we all process our personal challenges, I have been turning to a strength drawl from beyond the logic, the facts, the standard processes, the familiar influences – – a strength that I tend to muster up only as a last resort… And this shouldn’t be but my pride and my wanting to do everything blurs my need to reach out to the strength.

At first, I saw glimpse of this strength come though when my heart was low and my mind was overactive. I saw this strength when at night I couldn’t sleep for thousands of thoughts running through my head wouldn’t let my mind rest; This strength manage to shush everything out and within a short time, I would drift into a true hard deep sleep.

Many call this strength faith, maybe call this strength God, Messiah, Holly One, The Creator, Angel, Protector. Some call this religion, some call it the way, others call it spirituality. I’m not sure what I want to call if, or even if it needs a nomenclature. I know it’s there, I know it has always been there, I feel it will always be there. And whether this strength is part of this calling, this attraction, this desire, this must do journey, I cannot confirm or deny.

the journey I speak of, is the walk of the Camino De Santiago. Ironically, it has been on my “bucket” list for quite a while, along with many other wishes. However, this one seems to have taken life.

Since I had researched the Camino in the past, I had images and sounds associated with this information. When one pays attention to details and all that is around us, we can often see hints and patterns that lead us to something we think of, consider or contemplate. During my last weeks of Argentina I realized how much of the culture, the lifestyle, the colors, the sounds I would miss. Somehow my mind brought back many memories of my 3 summers in Spain. Argentina made way to Spain, and slowly but surely, Camino de Santiago became the focus.

Many of know how my mind work – I can get focused on an idea, consider it, do it, and leave it, or keep it around for a while. I am a bit of a butterfly or hummingbird, I fly from flower to flower,  enjoying those fleeting moments but never staying too long. THIS is VERY different… Truly very different. This thought of the Camino is not one of those fleeting thoughts or ideas. It didn’t come about like most others… Others came from outside – a new hobby, a new sport, a new pastime, a new thing to try and see.

This one almost seems like it came from the inside… and not from my mind. I almost alike it to a little seed that I knew was there, for quite a while, and then, almost as if Spring had touched it with the sun and fresh air, it started to grow. The idea, the concept grew. As it took up more space in my mind and daresay in my heart, it became stronger, but not in a negative way. It warmed me up inside, it made me smile, it gave me a breather when I need one, it calmed me down and so much more.

I will likely want to spend these months of preparations and most certainly the actual trek to help me understand this idea, this concept, and dare I say, this NEED.

I have 15 months ahead of me to figure things a bit more. I have 15 months ahead of me to get my body prepared for such a trek. I have 15 months to save up. I have 15 months to plan my schedule. I have 15 months to LEARN as much as I can about it. I have 15 months to transform myself into a future pilgrim. I have 15 months to work out the doubts, the concerns, the details. I have 15 months to let the anticipation grow, and to provide me with a focal point. I have 15 months – starting NOW.

My journey through this maze of thoughts, doubts, excitement, setbacks, learning, focusing, training… will be one that I will gladly share. Therefore, this has now become my first official blog of my Camino Journey. With my “virtual” staff in my hand, my “virtual” shell sewn to my “virtual” backpack, with my “virtual boots” on my feet, and hopefully Steve’s REAL Tilley Hat (that I wore for my first complete Honolulu marathon) I now take my first virtual step on the Camino. One day, in May of 2012, the virtuals will turn to reality.

Sera un buen camino!