You R Love

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Sylvie

It’s late, I am hot and tired and uncomfortable … “A walk will do me well” I believe. I walk slowly behind our condo on a gravel/paved walkway. I look down, and realize I am so excited about …. well – Everything – - … Life is great, beautiful, challenging, mysterious and WONDERFUL.
I sit on the swing with my eyes slowly taking in everything visual. A boatload of sand – a blackboard of such. I look over my left shoulder and on the ground is a medium sized stick ideal for messages in the sand…

I realize I have to get on my knees to properly tap down the ground. It feels lumpy, round, and soft. I pat down an area perfectly sized for the message.
Twig in hand, I wait for the words to come… “You R Love” – - – sounds perfect… I carve – lights from close-by cars remind me that I could be found anytime.

I get back to my swing – and smile, and, well SWING!
Back home, I think “I must do this every night”… What a fun way to perhaps make people smile!

Hugs
Syls

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One year ago …

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Sylvie

KM 0 - final arrival
Happy spring everyone! Wow – Time goes by so quickly and even more now that I am retired. I was looking back on my older posts (I do that often since it helps me recognize the changes that have occurred) and I was especially drawn to my April 2011 posts, since that was the beginning of the new phase of my life, and the preparation for the Camino.

How different am I today compared to last year? To be honest, there are times when I think nothing much has changed but MOST times I can’t even start explaining how much I HAVE changed.
The transition from high profile, high stress, high activity level, high pressure to walking the Camino with nothing but a pack carrying two change of clothes (and other items). My year has been a series of “transitions” and none was as difficult as my return from the Camino.

My intentions were to write a book about my experiences on the Camino, but upon my return I realized the following:
- I had not taken enough notes and details
- I have challenges finding the words to describe events, blessings, adventures etc
- Most importantly, what I did document wasn’t always written legibly…

You see, often I would write my notes in the evenings, before falling asleep… Well, often my body was tired, very tired, and my brain was a bit foggy from the dinner wine. Often I would write in my bed, by the light of my headlamp, inside my sleeping bag – - – my handwriting tends to be hard to read at best of times, but in those conditions, it became a puzzle just trying to figure out my chicken scratches. Therefore – - I MUST RETURN!

Many of you know of my plans to return next year. I am considering ways with which I would be able to really do well in keeping detailed notes. My plan is to expand on my trip and start in Bordeaux (France), traverse Spain and finish in Porto (Portugal) – a distance of 1200 kilometers.

At that point, I believe I will be prepared to write all my experiences.
As well, I recognize that even today, there are things that are new to me but are a result of my Camino experience, therefore, my rendition will not only include details of the trips but also my life back home both in between both trips and on my return from Portugal. This is planned for mid-April to mid July 2013.

I miss the Camino – a lot… often… wholeheartedly! I am trying to put in perspective the lessons I have experienced on the Camino and applying those lessons on a daily basis. Until then, I am living my charmed and blessed life as I prepare for the next Camino trip.

I am living each day with such gratitude for my family, my friends and my experiences.
One year ago my life took a very different path – it’s been an INCREDIBLE path!
I am looking forward to decades of path meandering !!
Cheers
Sylvie

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9 weeks ago

Posted on August 15, 2011 by Sylvie

A bit more than nine weeks ago, I was standing at the entrance of the Cathedral in Santiago, overwhelmed by the fact I had walked 500 km and saddened at the fact that the trek as I knew it, was over.

Little did I know that although I was at the end of one part of the journey, the other part was just beginning. “What part is that?” you may ask? The part that incorporates what I learned and lived on the Camino.

I spent 28 days doing the same things however part of that same daily ritual was the constant evolution of my changed view of life. From day to day, I relished in the beauty of the countryside, stood in awe of amazing buildings (or parts of buildings) full of incredible history and reviewed my life through known memories and to my greatest surprise, new memories!

I recognized that my new lifestyle would need to be different than my working lifestyle. I know could spend my days without deadlines, long hours of work and often pressure-ridden moments. However, I would also be without the excitement of “go live” days, without the massive team effort needed to complete our tasks, without the challenge of a new client, location and project presented all at once.

There were many many GREAT times during my work life, and there will be many many GREAT times during my retirement life. All will be different, but my challenge now is to recognize that even though this life style is much quieter and with less pressure, there will be opportunities to get the same level of satisfaction and achievement albeit in different ways.

My lessons from the Camino are still to be identified – some were apparent from the onset (such as taking more time to enjoy nature, history and the joy of quiet times) others will manifest themselves in their proper time.

The Camino was a fabulous transition journey from my corporate life to my retirement life. The Camino is a special place and time that allows for many “ah-ha” moments, insights and re-evaluation of life. I will always be grateful for this journey, and do plan on returning next year to include the part I didn’t experience (France and the Pyrenees and other Spanish cities).

Perhaps I will never truly recognize the total impact of my Camino journey. I just know now, that nine weeks ago, I felt my journey was ending, and today, I know it just was beginning a new chapter.

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The calling gets stronger…

Posted on July 17, 2011 by Sylvie

I thought that calling was strong enough… starting years ago, as whispers in my head. “Camino, Camino, Camino”… A few years ago, I would chance on some blog, article or website that had to do with the… CAMINO. Then February of this year, the calling was more of a “head bong” – the type you hear with those old fashion Asian cylinders that call people to prayer.

The “bong” noise was faint at first – like a soft chime. Through the days, the chimes became bells, and the bells become BONGS. Loud ringing BONGS in my head, at the most odd time of the day. AND THEN… the thoughts came – - Go to the Camino. Do the Camino. Walk the Camino, Experience the Camino.
Please know I am a very grounded person. I don’t walk around with my head in the clouds (although my hubby might contest this) and I stand to be rather logical at times. But this was a calling. A calling I talked about early February. A calling that found me on May 13th at 7:05 AM setting my first step on the official Camino way. A calling that carried me more than 500 km and a month trekking each day, be it rain, sun, sweltering sun, mist, cold wind right to Santiago de Compostella.

When I arrived in Compostela, I knew I had reached my goal. OR, I THOUGHT I had reached my goal. After all, wasn’t the intention to walk to Compostela, get my Compostela from the official office, head out to Finnistere and complete my dream. Whohoo! … I thought so. I thought so, with all my heart.

Then, the return. Now, please don’t get me wrong. I live a FABULOUS life. I have a family I love and who love me, my sweetie with whom I have been married 25 years this October, two beautiful daughters and one soon-to-be son-in-law, loving siblings, a warm modest home, savings and now the status of retired. So why would the Camino call me again? or is it STILL?

What is the appeal? My sister Suzanne asked me this exact question on Friday… And frankly, I can’t answer… It’s such a complex attraction – the easy life of not having to worry about anything but clean underwear (and that’s a level of tolerance) – a few bits of food to eat, water, good shoes or boots, a direction and lots of walking… Is this what the Camino is about? Not at all. It’s all about…
Being in awed of all that surrounds us
Being aware of the simple change in nature, from region to region
Being aware of our own solitude, and ability to cope with said solitude
Getting to know our amazing capacities – when we think we can”t go any further, we do. When we think we can’t get up from the bed, we do. When we think we can’t get out in the rain, we do. When we think we don’t know anyone at the dinner table, we met. When we think we don’t really need to go to evening blessings, we do and feel better for it.

Opening your heart to everything… to the endless beauty of nature. To the endless sensual experiences; smelling the flowers and plants, watching a sunset, eating the local food and drinking the local wine, listening to the birds in the morning or the gypsy music playing in the bar, and seeing – - seeing the wind play in the fields and making it look like a ballet. Seeing the old bits of houses left and trying to imagine who lived there. Feeling the muscles in the legs so tired but happy when shoes are removed and legs are resting on the two inch mattress of the albergue. Listening to pilgrim stories at dinner, and catching a conversation with someone who speaks your language. Being the only one on the road and seeing the sun rise over the vineyard.

THAT is a smidgeon of what the Camino is about. A smidgeon, nothing more.
And the calling gets stronger… Now, rather than come to the Camino, it’s more of a “Return to the Camino”… and I wish it were just whispers here and there. It’s more like a loud wake-up call in some low-cost hotel “THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL!!!!”…. Rogue travelers know this obnoxious intrusion in our morning dreams.

So when to go back? Sept? too busy for us. Nov? snow….. Mid April to end of May? ahhhhhh – - – - – nice option……
for now, I will enjoy the middle of the night sudden awakening to “eh, Where am I and what city am I in, AND (most important) do I have to get DOWN from a bunk bed for a bio break? moment. YES, they happen still.

i sense the Camino was a start, but not a finish to a dream… this is layer one of the proverbial onion! What shall be next?
Que sera sera!
I am excited and enthusiast about potentials –
and one little last statement for tonight – - – from my Camino shirt
Don’t dream your life, LIVE your dream!
Pilgrim Sylvie

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Five Months Ago, One month ago.

Posted on July 10, 2011 by Sylvie

On February 6th of this year, I wrote the following in my blog:

This thought of the Camino is not one of those fleeting thoughts or ideas. It didn’t come about like most others… Others came from outside – a new hobby, a new sport, a new pastime, a new thing to try and see.

This one almost seems like it came from the inside… and not from my mind. I almost alike it to a little seed that I knew was there, for quite a while, and then, almost as if Spring had touched it with the sun and fresh air, it started to grow. The idea, the concept grew. As it took up more space in my mind and daresay in my heart, it became stronger, but not in a negative way. It warmed me up inside, it made me smile, it gave me a breather when I need one, it calmed me down and so much more.

This was only five months ago. Five months ago, the Camino was a dream, but one I knew would happen
Five months ago, I was still working and trying to plan my training around my crazy hours
Five months ago, I would start spending entire evenings reading blogs, sites, and trip reports on the Camino
Five months ago, we still had snow, cold winds and the winter blahs…
Five months ago, I KNEW that I would be, one day, standing on the Camino to take my first journey step

Arriving in Santiago

At the Cathedral, after 500 km walked

I arrived in Santiago on the morning of Friday June 10th. 28 days from my first steps on the Camino in Burgos. Parts of the Camino feel like dreams, and others are so vivid, I can feel the wind on my face, the farm road sand under my feet and my pack on my back. Walking by sweet smelling flowers throws me right back to glorious bushes of large sweet roses adorning the front houses and gardens. I feel the sun on my face and I can remember the endless sun and how comforting it was on colder days.

Faces appear in my mind, randomly through the day. Of course, Team Nestor and little Nestor himself are often pictured in my mind, as well as so many others that I met during this incredible journey. I think of the “angels” who helped me while I was in need – - the dentist. the doctor, the physical therapist, Father Doctor, and all the pilgrims who comforted me, helped me, befriended me; I will always remember you.

A month ago, I set foot in front of the Cathedral and became speechless at the beauty of this church and the emotional moment
A month ago, I had set out, day after day, after day walking, walking and walking… and learning, and experiencing, and adoring, and thinking, and sharing, and caring…
A month ago, my world revolved around daily new experiences, new feelings, new discoveries… and old memories, forgotten moments that came to life in my mind, comforting thoughts and whispers of the past.
A month ago, I wondered how it would be, returning to my old life with new eyes

And today, I ponder on those two time periods. Five months ago and one month ago. I saw my solid dream turn into reality and happen, and then finish.
I left not knowing what to expect and returned blessed and cherishing each moment on that Camino. I returned changed, in many ways I may not even understand, and I believe it’s a change for the best.

Knowing how fast things can happen, part of my mind wants to think little thoughts for a while, and give myself the time needed to at least make some effort to collect all my little bits of paper, little pages of thoughts, pictures, one liners, long pages and try to map out the story. I still have things I would like to experience, and perhaps some of those will get to happen within the next year.

I am in no rush – - I am enjoying the challenges of re-integrating into large groups and I try to let my memories come back in their own time.
If nothing else, I learned to just “be”.
I’m loving just “being”…!

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Seeing things differently

Posted on July 3, 2011 by Sylvie

I noticed that my eyes see differently. I
When we visited the last cemetery yesterday, we were amazed at all the old zinc statues and headstones.

When I used to visit cemeteries I would look for unusual headstones or plaques but for esthetic purposes only. I found myself , of late, really thinking more about the potential stories of the families, the history etc.

I have much more interest in the background of things than the things themselves now. My sense of observation has increased so much since the Camino. Perhaps it was based on the fact that I had so much more time to think about whatever I was observing. Perhaps it was the lack of so many distractions that kept me from extensive observation.

Whatever the reason(s), I now feel my experiences will be much fuller !

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Ability to travel is a gift!

Posted on June 21, 2011 by Sylvie

As I sat waiting for the train to take me to Madrid, I was approached by a woman who was trying to figure out what she had to do to get to the Atocha station.

She had a German accent and spoke very little English or Spanish. The station attendant only spoke Spanish (this is a local station) so I tried to help her out.

I remember being in a similar situation in China, with very few speaking English. I somehow figured things out but bot without challenges and lots of unnecessary walking.

Over the years I have learned through all my travels with work how to be prepared for travel, especially in foreign countries.

With the advent of the Internet it has become so much easier to plan things ahead of time. Things as fundamental as knowing the schedule of trains, planes and other mode of transportation goes a long way. Knowing if there are more than one airport or station is also critical.

I really appreciate all I have learned during my years in the corporate world and now, rather feeling lost, confused and frustrated as this woman was today, I can sir back and enjoy the adventure!

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Minorities come in many forms

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Sylvie

I had the opportunity to visit a rather quaint and subtle museum that covered the history of the gypsy people.

I was unaware that their people originally came from Pujab in India. They entered Spain many as part of the pilgrims of Santiago but for years were persecuted and chased out of many countries. They numbered even more of those we knew perished violently to the Hitler regime and those who survived fled to many European countries. In the early 80s, Spain declared that the gypsy people would hold equal rights and then began the recognition of their rights as individuals and as a community.

I have been blessed to be friends with Spanish gypsies from the late 70′s, in fact when we spent our summers in Spain we learned a lot about their music, their customs and their lives.

Today I spent most of my day with my gypsy friends and remembered fondly mostly the incredible music that comes from the heart. It was a great day!

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A close community

Posted on June 16, 2011 by Sylvie

I’ve been spending my day walking around Cuenca and one thing I noticed were the hundreds of benches all around town.

“To rest?” you may ask, which given the sudden steep roads of this city and long series of steps, would warrant such a question. However this is not the case.

The benches are constantly filled with mostly elderly folks who simply enjoy talking to each other and anyone else around. Many conversations have started with “why are your legs dark in only some spots” (a great observation of my pilgrim uneven tan) or “did you just finish the Camino?” as a question to my tshirt…

Many of the folks are as couple, holding hands or locking arms as they walk along. It’s almost a game of musical benches as folks move along to the next bench and spend ten or fifteen. minutes there and again move to the next one.

The conversations are light – and most people know each other well. It’s actually very refreshing to see – I can’t really remember a time where I actually saw this in any of the cities I called home. This is something I greatly appreciate and wish was still the norm…

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A lesson from the Camino…

Posted on June 15, 2011 by Sylvie

I have had many lessons from the Camino, likely many others I have yet to realize. One of the things I used to do is live a lot in the past. Not so much stangnating in the past, but the past meant a lot. I found it difficult to let go of the smallest thing such as a metro ticket from Madrid, a napkin from an old club, a quick note jotted down by folks etc.

I also spent some amount of time remembering things – and there is nothing wrong with that, but it does come into question when there is much time spent there. Cuenca is the perfect example of this. Along with two wonderful friends, I spent 3 summers in Cuenca. This was the first time I was out of the country, and the first time I was somewhat on my own (well, on my own with 500 other students!). It is also the first time I had a real romance with someone. Luis was my ¨boyfriend¨for the time we were in Spain, and all the time we spent, as a team of six with our respective friends, we ended up traveling to many wonderful places, and having great fun summers.

To me, and in my mind, Cuenca itself held this mysterious aura. As the years passed, I vowed to return knowing that it would likely be very different. I didn´t know really what I expected but I can tell you that returning to Cuenca was on my bucket list, for sure.

During the journey on the Camino, many many hours of thoughts and re-evaluations were spent. There were times when I did not know if my thoughts were of my own, of my subconscious or of others (whoever others could be). I do know that at any point in time, along with spontaneous moments of shere joy, of tears and of inspirations came and went like the wind.
At first, these ¨moments¨would worry me. Why? Because I wasn´t in control of them. They came and left without any involvement of my own (at least, not conscious). They would catch me by surprise and I would spend some time following these moments trying to figure things out. If you recall, I mentioned that after the Cruz de Ferro, where one is to leave something of one´s home along with one´s worries and concerns, there was a message spelled out in rocks:

Leave it behind

This was a truly powerful message, at a power time. At the Cruz de Ferro, there was a lot going on, and I was busy focusing on the items I was leaving behind. Even after I had placed them and gave them a proper goodbye, I still hadn´t really let my emotions come out. It when I left the cross, and started to walk away that the flood came on and then I came upon this message.

That moment was a defining moment for me during my Camino. I thought about it a lot, and realized that the items we hold onto are in fact items, not the actual people or places. If we honor those items in their proper places, then that can work, but with some limitation of how many… I think with this in mind, going back to Cuenca was something I felt I absolutely wanted to do.., as well as remet the old friends. When I approached the city in the train, I realized it was totally different than what I remembered. In fact, Cuenca has almost 5 times the amount of people and many of the old places although still standing are now located away from the ¨downtown¨. Even the Casas Colgadas location used to be hard to reach and now they have built roads and walkways were the river used to flow.

What I did realize is that although I am happy to have made the trip here, it really no longer holds anything special other than being a city I lived in. My reaction to the locations was the same as those I saw in all the other cities or towns I walked through during my journey. I have come to realize that what held Cuenca in my mind was the experiences we had during our 3 summers. That was then, this is NOW!

And if there is one thing I know my mind sees differently, is the wanting to live in the NOW. The past is good for reference and to avoid making the same wrong moves, or to confirm making the right moves, but it´s not a place to live. the future is ahead – if we spend too much time there, we will miss the opportunities and wonders of today, of NOW!

Cuenca will always have a special place in my heart – or the experiences and memories we have will…
For now, I am still trying to manage the ¨post camino¨ challenges… and I look forward to enjoying Cuenca for a few more days, heading to Madrid and then home.

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